hiiya. havent had time to be online reallly. so now i gotta chance before work. well this break has been. aite. i like it actually. my cuZzn nd her mom's friend andrea ((her nanny)) came all tha way from london. haha its funny. my cuzzn hates when i say its her nanny. but technically she is cuz she was a nanny then moved in with them when she ran away from her Saudi Arabian family that mistreated her. haha drama drama. neways....

i had work most of the time.. i feel bad cuz shes left with my mom n bro n andrea. but after today no more work till she leaves. we went shoppin in emeryville.. nd theyre about to go shoppin again without me =( hmph. well i gotta go to sunvalley soon so wutev. she covered for me tha other night when i snuCk out to drive to sac.. cuz i wont be able to see justin till probably next year. that was probably my only chance so im super glad i got to. we watched a movie wid my friends.. we watched ocean's 12. i thought it was gooood. but hella ppl hated it. wutev. nd nd xmas in sac. wif grams. and then back to bay for my dad's side. then after that were off to vegas. whats shit to do in vegas when ur a youngin?? i just heard bout tha aladdin buffet. haha i hear its crakkkkn. s0 yeah.. i should start gettin ready f0r work.

everyone feelin like shit: dont worry... u know that one greek myth about tha guy who had to roll a boulder up a hill and when he reached the top. it rolled back down and he had to do it over again. well he had to do it forever as a punishment. sucks doesnt it? well thats like life i guess. right when u think its gettin better and u couldnt be any happier.. somethin has to happen that brings it all the way down again. but then after awhile.. it gets better again. its always gonna be that way. we just gotta keep in mind it will always get better. unlike that guy tho.. you are never alone. even if it feels that way.. its not true. maybe the ppl around u just dont like to talk about it. or they just hide their feelings.. but its there. dont worry love.. dont worry at all.

my thanksgiving:

it was whaCk. but koo bein with my cousins. there wasnt that muCh food. weak!! i thought tha whole essence 0f thanksgiving is to eat and eat and eat from a wide selection of food. but no. *sigh me n tha cousins spent most tha time talking and layin around on tha floor.

well tha day before thanksgiving was a lot better. i g0t to see justin =) im sure all of you are getting tired of hearing that. l0l. well IM happy ab0ut it at least. like kc n jojo sing "if i could see you again, then i will g0" (crazy). all we did was chill at his h0use. watched elf then his dad sent us t0 get different movies, then chilled m0re. then went alll the way h0me. my mom just told me she knows i went there. and she said that i look too desperate goin there. i guess. that i shouldnt limit myself when it comes to boys. thats bs. cuz supposedly my dad was my moms only bf. hmph. beezy.

the rest of break was 0k.. on friday. chilled with tha cuzzns like chermaine nd her boy john. watched white chiCks again. then saturday, went t0 lianne n lizettes debut practice. then sunday watChed the spongebob movie with my mom, bro, mom's cousin and her baby andrei. that baby is so eff`n cute =)

this s0ng reminds me 0f justin.. ima learn it on tha piano.. mm hmm

NEVER FELT THIS WAY: ALICIA KEYS

There will never come a day,
You will never hear me say,
That I want or need to be without you.

I wanna give my all.

Baby just hold me,
Simply control me,
Because your arms, they keep away the lonelys.

When I look into your eyes,
Then I realize,
All I need is you in my life,
All I need is you in my life.

Cause I never felt this way about lovin',
No,
Never felt so good baby,
Never felt this way about love,
and it feels so good.

OMG. i feel overwhelmed. so many things going on. thank goodness break is in like 2 more days. 2 frikkin tests tomorrow. i dont know why i work myself so hard when i really care? it feels like studying is part of my nature. thats hella sad tho. like even if i tried not studying.. i can never bring myself to do that. i hate thatttt!!

oh and on top of these tests, i started my very first job today. i was nervous. it started out ehh cuz i came 5 minutes late cuz all my clocks at home n my watch and my cell phone were 5 minutes behind round table's. hmph. so i had to re-adjust everything. feels good to earn that skrilla. haha.

mmm friday was good. was me n justin's 5 months =) we ate at chili's and watched incredibles. nd chilled at his house. duuh. haha.

i love you baby

sup bitches. haha just messin. uhmm. had a good day off =)

i wanted to leave for hercules by at least 7 30 so i was trynna set my alarm to 7. i kept slippin n shit soo i didnt even notice that i accidentally was pushin tha wrong thangs. so i woke up to my alarm. got dressed. nd i was like damn. its dark. nd i started driving off and noticed that there was no one around. so i called my dad. asked him what time it was. nd he was like its 530 where do u think ur goin. i hella thought it was 730!! i felt like a dumbass. buh then i was like.. sac.. i been tellin mom. n he was like. shit and tha nigga hung up on me. then my mom calls nd demands that i turn my ass around nd go home cuz supposedly they dont approve of me goin there. wutev. i slike. fuck that. i just kept goin. duh. i been tellin her ALL week i was goin and she never said shit till i was really gone. then i didnt come home till hella late.

it was super super fun. spent a whole day with my baby =) we watched shrek 2 (our first movie) and cinderella story. hillary duff and chad michael murray are sexay. nd just chilled all day. then i picked up one of my bestest friends from school nd chilled at her house. me n justin played pool while she got ready for tha rec retreat. ate at LnL and headed off to rec. it was awkward bein there again.. i didnt feel welcome at all nemore. i know ppls are hatin. iono why. but wutever i aint trippin.. life goes on..

then after just dropped off justin at home.. chilled with him for a minute.. then drove back home to herc.

i loved every minute with you. i love you baby =)

yo. i just got back from a koo day. it was ramon's birthday. yay. it was hella fun. after our sophomore retreat meeting.. which ended like 4ish. me julian and ramon went to hilltop mall to kill time waitin for lianne and lizette. we tried gettin free shit from mcdonalds cuz anthony but this one beezy kept starin at us cuz i guess she noticed we were laughin at her and she knew for sum reason we was trynna get sumn for free 99. lol... cuz we dared julian to try to holla at her. hahha. it was funny. i was fukkn pressured so we actually bought sum nuggets. then we met up lianne, lizette n sean at chevy's. that was kooo cuz we was just talkin bout random shit and i didnt pay for anything. i prolly ate more than alla them and i didnt pay shit! hhaha. nd i learned what teabaggin is. yuck. but yeah.. it was good times.

tomorrow i got no school cuz yeah.. ima group leader for tha sophomore retreat. then since its veteran's day on thursday, so we dont got school on friday. i getta see my baby =) he rented shrek 2 cuz that was our first movie together and he also got a cinderella story cuz "hillary duff is hot." eh. haha. well just cant wait to spend tha day with him.. then probably see wassup with rec. hopefully i getta see folks again. yeeah.. thats it for tonight. peace easy.